Fun and Games
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Safely light pumpkins
Growing pumpkins? If you want to walk the walk, you have to talk the talk.
Here are all the top secret pumpkin growing terms that will fool even the
most fanatical pumpkin grower.
Note: Just for fun! Any resemblance to the real pumpkin
growing world is purely coincidence.
|"A friendly lot....."
||Yeah, sure. All pumpkin growers are friendly:
A. Between the last frost and early spring.
B. When they are looking for tips and ideas.
C. To the owner of the manure farm.
||Growers apply so much water, fertilizers and manures that a giant pumpkin
vine grows so fast it actually breaks off at or near the tip. When you see
it, it looks like it exploded off.
This also stands for the reaction you get when you ask the second or third
place winner how he or she did.
||An otherwise irrelevant agricultural term important to, and known by,
scholars and giant pumpkin growers only.
||A vitamin and mineral rich concoction which include chemicals for health
in fighting off disease and pests. Growers drink their favorite liquor regularly
as they worry over every detail. And, it is usually the only caloric intake
they take time to consume until frost.
||From the day the seed is placed in the ground, the only companion a grower
needs is his or her pumpkin plant.
||A big Latin word, for a big all world fruit.
||Married folk exchange and wear a ring to signify the bond between them.
Pumpkin Fanatics do likewise, but with their pumpkins, as a sign of their
un-dying devotion to their sport.
||While this phenomenon has growers and biologists baffled, it is simply
caused by kids and cows trampling through the pumpkin patch.
|Floating Row Covers
||Ultralight blankets used to cover pampered pumpkins during cold nights.
||You have never experienced a worse mess, nor a worse smell unless you
have witnessed the effects of a giant pumpkin that rots on the vine. The
grower is a mental and physical mess, showing all signs of mental breakdown.
He or she is so depressed, they cease all bodily care, including showers(the
||This is the "fuel injection system" equivalent in the pumpkin world.
Growers will tell you it is an injector system to add fertilizers to the
water system feeding the plants. What is really going on is the growers are
mainlining fertilizers to their pumpkin vines.
||You've got to be kidding!! Crumpets anyone?
||Over The Top Measurement. You can get an approximate weight of your pumpkin
while still in the field by using this measurement system. This only applies
to giant pumpkins, but the hard part is that to get an accurate Over The
Top measurement on a really big one, you need to climb to the top first.
||Or Widower. Do we need to explain what happens to spouses once the season
||Most new growers are told this stands for Squash Vine Borer", public
enemy #1 in the cucurbita world. What it really means is "Secret Vine Bedding".
This bedding material is so potent and nutrient rich that serious growers
hide it's very existence by claiming it's a bug. Imagine that!!
||Versus weigh-in a weigh-off is when you bring your prize pumpkin to a
festival for an official weight measurement. Debate rages as to the correct
spelling "weighoff", weigh-off". Does it really matter that much?
||See "Goes down" above. The major difference in this term is it is used
in the past tense. It is usually spoken only by fellow growers as the affected
grower usually does not speak for months later, if ever.
||The special kind of manure found only in Zoos.
Related article: The Great Elephant Caper
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